I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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