Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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