Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize