Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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