That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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