I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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