She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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