using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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