Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize