pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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