The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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