Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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