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nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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