Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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