it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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