3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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