I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
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Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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