I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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