I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize