if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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