I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize