How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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