Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize