she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize