I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize