I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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