he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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