You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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