i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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