Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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