and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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