I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize