I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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