There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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