Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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