Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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