I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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