The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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