then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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