I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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