Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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