I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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