it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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