elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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