someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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