so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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