You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize