i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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