I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize