Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
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Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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